Happy Endings

I’ve had some time away from the hospital this week and that has given me some much needed to both rest and reflect. As I was driving to church this morning I thought about a party that I think summarizes a lot of my reflection. A friend of mine had invited me to go to a Halloween party hosted by some friends of hers. "Wear my fanta costume another time, sure!" I thought. Just before we left for the party she said, “oh yeah, it’s an AA Halloween party.” That perked my curiosity, an AA party... But leaving the party I felt rejuvenated. The party was a blast—there were couples, families with children, and singles all dressed in their finest Halloween attire. I loved watching people interact. Some of them called each other special names—“sober Suzanne” or brother and sister. In interacting with them it was clear that they knew deep intimate facts about one another—each other’s histories, hardships, joys… And I knew that they were supporting one another in this journey to become healthier people. While I'm sure that AA is not an easy process--seeing this was a joyous thing. A group of people helping each other and leaning on God to have happier endings.

Happy endings. Back in September, that’s what I said that I was most not excited about CPE. I said—I like happy endings. The hospital doesn’t always have happy endings. Death. Losing one’s independence. Chronic sickness. I have learned that life isn’t always happy endings, and I need to accept that. And sometimes things that don't seem like happy endings to me really are happy endings to others. The AA party was so exciting to me because I saw people actively headed towards a more whole lifestyle. And there are many in the hospital that are actively working towards more whole lifestyles. But there are also those that are not. It was a huge contrast—the party signified life to me, not death. But God gave us both life and death. The quote from Ray Anderson hit me again. To paraphrase him he said that, “love has to be big enough to encompass the tragic.” He went on to say that when a person is born, it is inevitable that a person will die. A birth means another grave must be dug. Wow. What an unpleasant picture. What a truthful picture. And this image was reinforced as I was doing my nightly devotion time last night. Ecclesiastes 3:20 says, “all come from dust and to dust all return.” This is reality. I hate this reality sometimes. But this is reality. I trying to make my love bigger to encompass the tragic.